5.) Boston can win. Stanton has made it clear that he needs to go to a contender. The major reason the Red Sox didn't go further in the 2017 post-season was the lack of a big bat in the middle of the order. Duh!;
4.) We have a coastal harbor here. Stanton has also made it clear that he wants to be dealt to a team on one of the coasts. Based on our memory of 4th grade geography, St. Louis is not on a coast—at least not until Al Gore gets working a little harder on Global Warming;
3.) The chance to humiliate Aaron Judge 19 times a year. Only in the AL East will Stanton get the opportunity to show who the real HR boss is in baseball. They're go the judge!;
2.) Fans will actually show up to his home games. Despite the recent dip in Red Sox fan intensity (e.g., empty Fenway seats at ALDS playoff games), Stanton's arrival would guarantee 35,000 fannies-in-seats on Yawkey Way every night;
1.) Dunks, Dunks, Dunks. And, probably a few TV commercials with another big dude—Rob Gronkowski.