Don't expect a Jeter-like 'Farewell Tour' for Alex Rodriguez. The beleaguered Yankee announced today that he will retire after the 2017 season. The collective yawn you heard from all of baseball was profound and deserved. When he finally leaves us alone, he will have "earned" a record $420 million. Said The Centaur, "I won't play after next year. I've really enjoyed my time. For me, it is time for me to go home and be dad." Isn't that special? The Fraudulent One needs 76 HRs to pass another disgraced player—Barry Bonds on the fake "all-time" list. Rodriguez was suspended by Major League Baseball for the entire 2014 season for using banned performance-enhancing drugs. Good riddance, pal!