Yankees Legally Embrace 'Evil Empire' Moniker

In Evil Laundry

That vile franchise 250 miles to our south is now embracing their image—so thoughtfully given to them by Larry Lucchino—as "The Evil Empire". In a legal proceeding to prevent a company called "Evil Enterprises" from marketing the brand, the Yankees forcefully argued that they have "implicitly embraced" the Evil Empire theme by playing Star Wars music at The Concrete Bunker O 161st Street. The panel of trademark judges agreed thusly: "In short, the record shows that there is only one Evil Empire in baseball and it is the New York Yankees. Accordingly, we find that [the Yankees] have a protectable trademark right in the term as used in connection with baseball." Now, our good buddy (clean-shaven) Kevin Youkilis will know the true nature of his uniform (see pic).