Evil Ones Acquire Ichiro For Minor Leaguers

Damian Strohmeyer/SI

The Pinstriped Posers have acquired Ichiro Suzuki from the Seattle Mariners for two minor league pitchers—DJ Mitchell and Danny Fahrquar.

Reportedly, the Bronx Embalmers will also get an undisclosed amount of cash—like they need that. Suzuki is hitting only .261 this year. Ironically, the Mariners play New York tonight at Safeco Field.